I didn’t have that one ah-ha moment that you often hear about. It was many little moments that slowly came together one the years. Years purely because of my own self doubt as a photographer and human being.
I do remember the first moment. I had just gotten back from the Middle East. Our first child, Stella, was born a few days later. I almost missed it. Three months later, my military career took me to Texas. There I missed four months of her life. I hated myself for it. I remember the conversation with my father and how I was complaining when he said “show me the person pointing the gun at your head for being in the military.”
That truth shot through my heart like a heat seeking missile. He was right. It was my fault.
I’m a religious man when things are going bad. So I grabbed the hotel Bible in the nightstand and did that whole show me a sign on whatever page I open up to God thing. I wasn’t expecting it to work.
My eyes went right to a verse that talked about being two people, about knowing what we should, who we should be. But doing and being the opposite. I try not to cry in public so good thing I was alone.
I didn’t get it. I knew the things I should be doing. I knew who I wanted to be. But I hadn’t lifted a finger to accomplish it. Was I just lazy, scared, too comfortable, or in desperate need for a Tony Robbins self help book?
In time I saw that we are all two people. The person we are that moment and the person we want to be, were born to be. The further those two people are apart, the worse life is. The closer they are, the better life is.
Knowing this and accepting fault has given me opportunities to change. To move closer to that person I know I can be. BTW, when life is going good its all me, I’m awesome, no God needed.
Which led me to my first self proclaimed I’m a genius photographer idea, “What if I can photograph that second person?”
And slowly, for far too much time, this became the first moment of the “You Are Mona Lisa” Project.